The golden, red, and orange leaves glistened as the sun peaked through the treetops. Calm filled my being as I drove the winding asphalt known as Airport Road. An overwhelming sense that I would not return on the same road I had driven over the past years clung to my conscious like I now clung to the steering wheel of my parent’s Honda CRV. It had been months of racing on this stretch of highway that found my destination to be schooling at a college or work for an auto parts store, but not today. Today was different. Today I was drawn to the prospect an ending and of not knowing what was going to take place next. I could only surmise in some way change was coming to me—in many ways I still don’t know what that change will bring.  

For reasons unbeknownst—whether to enhance the atmosphere or change it—I diverted my attention to fumbling through a selection of compact discs that were within the vehicle. Despite my efforts, I found that picking the perfect sound to match my inner emotion was nearly impossible. What seemed like only seconds of searching for a song must have, in actuality, been far longer as a quick glance of my rearview mirror revealed a string of impatient motorist ready to move past this creeping vessel. Not having a plan of what was to come nor anywhere to be, I engaged the vehicle down an unfamiliar country road. Coming to a stop in a clearing surrounded by the magnificent glory of the fall canopy, I exited the vehicle to the splendor and beauty of the vivid colors and sunshine that now encompassed me. I was at ease in the moment, letting my mind and body relax as I allowed my senses the freedom to explore the sights, sounds, and smell of the uninhabited land. 

However, it was not long after my arrival that my panoramic view of nature was obscured by other excursionists. Whereupon bringing the black four door pickup to a stop, four such traveler abounded. Of those that had departed the automobile, three ran to frolic on the distant hillside, leaving one to make his way in my direction.  

He was a young man about my age and build—which is tall and skinny—with blonde hair and wearing a red athletic suit. Without saying a word, he delivered something to the inside of my vehicle. Upon his withdrawal he exclaimed, “I’ve given you gifts.” At once I looked to the front cabin to validate the claim only to discover several tiny boxes that could be considered presents. I could not see into the container to behold what was given. Yet my internal instinct was to question such a generous action.  

Again, the man reached inside my automobile to deliver another mysterious object. “I’ve given you a new wineskin,” he pronounced. I quickly went to research the statement made by this incomer. To my amazement on the center console was a horn shaped leather pouch.  

The peculiarity of the situation was interrupted when the stranger asked, “How did you get on this road?” 

“I pulled on this road to get organized,” I answered slightly surprised by my own acknowledgement.   

Without any other words between us, I shook the man’s hand. 

*** 

Possible journal date sometime during the summer of 2016 

It’s been a different type of year for me; not any better or worse than what I have dealt with in the past, simply different. I have a career that I enjoy, a family that I love, and things that I have accumulated along the way. I have difficulties as many may understand. I have reservations about the direction and interactions in my life. Yet at my current age and ability I have concluded that I should be further along in the process than I am: all my struggle would have ceased due to my current state and status in society and a time of enjoyment would have begun. Even with all this, I have been given over to questions and conditions concerning faith—what it is exactly that I believe.  

A question wages war in my mind and distracts me from a sense of who I am destined to become: why do I fight so hard against those things that have been settled by my Savior Jesus Christ when I asked Him to be the Lord of my life? After all He died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins and healing of my body; He rose from the dead so that I might live in freedom in this life and have victory over death; He has supplied everything that I would need materially in this world. Still I have been challenged—a challenge that will take me beyond myself to test what I already know is true and those things that I have not yet discovered; a challenge that if accepted will take me into the depth of hurt, repentance, freedom, and ultimate healing; a challenge to transform my thinking and live out what has truly been placed in heart by the Creator. What I already recognize about this challenge is that to be met, it will be on His terms and in His timing. If it is not fully and completely dedicated to will leave me wondering if this is all there is—delaying the inevitable by the passing of time without a greater purpose. And the challenge has already begun. 

The whole account came about with an encounter of a distinct thought as I sat in traffic on my way home from work. It also came about on a day when I needed it the most. Without any prior reasoning or interaction, the words, “If you believe in Me, you have to believe it all.” In that instant I tried to detect where that thought had come from. Had my current condition with life’s processes prompted me to ponder the world’s most sought-after question? Maybe it was one of those days that I was being inundated with the happenings of my surrounding compounded by the fact that I was now awaiting my next moves bumper-to-bumper in traffic trying to make my way home.  

Often, I have sat in reminiscent silence dissecting my work, my ability to provide financially, my health, guilt and shame over the past. However, the thought that I had entertained was so gentle and clear that it was unmistakable. Even amid my wondering, I knew instantly that the thought had not come from me. I would not have chosen to think such a thing. It was the Lord that had spoken to my heart. As I sat incapacitated on all sides by the sights and sounds of others trying to do exactly what I was trying to do—get home—my meditation returned to those core beliefs that I held as a part of my religious experience until now; haven’t I confessed and expressed the realities of my Savior many times and in many ways throughout my brief existence? What then was missing in my walk toward a relationship with the Heavenly Father and what was this all that was expressed to me? What did it mean to the Creator versus what it looked like to me in humanity? No wonder the Holy Spirit drew me away from my fleshly disposition and posed a spiritual question that needed to be addressed. 

I was not sure why or exactly what was expected of me now. What was the Lord trying to convey? As I arrived home that evening the question lingered. How was I to respond to such a directive? Could I even come to a place where I believe it all? In retrospect I am deserving of the statement offered by my Lord.  

In years past I have asked of Him to fulfill a relationship that would propel me from a stagnant observer to a faithful overcomer. Then I would experience the freedom needed to be used most befitting.  

Journal excerpt July 22, 2014. 

Father, 

 I want to cultivate a relationship with You that would surpass all that I imagine or think. I know Your word that You give abundantly, exceedingly more than I can think or imagine. Fill me with You. 

Who is this Lord that I’ve come to know? He is… 

Wherever I go, You are with me. Wherever You send me, You go before me.  

I warranted the response given, not only from how I have lived, but also the cry from my heart to be filled with something more. At the time those expressive words were penned in my journal, I could not resolve the magnitude of the statement because I only know the surface of what Jesus has done or is doing in my life. If Jesus only came to die for my sins—which He certainly came to save me—then the journey would end there. I would confess those wrongs that I have committed to a just Lord and I would be free of eternal judgement. But there is much more. The forgiveness of sins is just the beginning. The challenge has been left in a mandate to be forever changed. That change will exist by how well I cultivate my relationship with Jesus. It must start there. I must start at that beginning…